Lessons I’ve learned as the mom of a first-year Badger
5.28.09
Here goes…
1. Don’t force your kid to take stuff to his/her dorm room that s/he doesn’t want to take. Trust me: doing this will not bode well for you.
2. Don’t expect a lot of communication, even if you’re used to getting it. (If you get it anyway, great. Consider yourself lucky.) If you’re not used to getting it, well… (I think this is normal, by the way — a function of increased independence and separation from parents, and they’re just busy…)
3. Be very careful if you have bad news to convey to your child. Do your best to present it when, how, and where you think it will be best received. Even if you choose the wrong time, manner, or place, you’ll have given it forethought and done your best.
4. I think it’s a cruel trick of nature that college, menopause, and the decline and/or loss of one’s parents often coincide. It doesn’t help if your 30-year high school reunion comes at this time, too.
5. Expect to mourn the loss of your child, his/her childhood, and your own younger self.
6. Expect to get over it and feel either surprised or a little guilty.
7. Expect to feel sad again from time to time, but with decreasing frequency and intensity.
8. “Ordinary life” is called that for a reason — because it’s ordinary. Life is, sadly, not always magical just because your child is home on a break.
9. Nonetheless, it’s good that college takes four years (at least) and comes with built-in breaks so that you can get used to your loss little by little.
10. Your kid will change — a little or a lot — but s/he may still be annoyed with your quirks (and vice versa).
11. If you haven’t already done so, figure out what you want to be when you grow up and actively pursue it. Even if this is your first college-bound child and not your last, have a plan for this next — what could be downright glorious — phase of life.
1. Don’t force your kid to take stuff to his/her dorm room that s/he doesn’t want to take. Trust me: doing this will not bode well for you.
2. Don’t expect a lot of communication, even if you’re used to getting it. (If you get it anyway, great. Consider yourself lucky.) If you’re not used to getting it, well… (I think this is normal, by the way — a function of increased independence and separation from parents, and they’re just busy…)
3. Be very careful if you have bad news to convey to your child. Do your best to present it when, how, and where you think it will be best received. Even if you choose the wrong time, manner, or place, you’ll have given it forethought and done your best.
4. I think it’s a cruel trick of nature that college, menopause, and the decline and/or loss of one’s parents often coincide. It doesn’t help if your 30-year high school reunion comes at this time, too.
5. Expect to mourn the loss of your child, his/her childhood, and your own younger self.
6. Expect to get over it and feel either surprised or a little guilty.
7. Expect to feel sad again from time to time, but with decreasing frequency and intensity.
8. “Ordinary life” is called that for a reason — because it’s ordinary. Life is, sadly, not always magical just because your child is home on a break.
9. Nonetheless, it’s good that college takes four years (at least) and comes with built-in breaks so that you can get used to your loss little by little.
10. Your kid will change — a little or a lot — but s/he may still be annoyed with your quirks (and vice versa).
11. If you haven’t already done so, figure out what you want to be when you grow up and actively pursue it. Even if this is your first college-bound child and not your last, have a plan for this next — what could be downright glorious — phase of life.
