Keeping the appropriate distance…
5.25.09
Turns out that Claire and I didn’t go away for the weekend with Alex after all (long story), and Sean hadn’t planned to go in the first place — he had a lot of friends to see here. It seems like this is the situation right now, and he even sees it, too. It’s a “friend-zy”: all of his friends are running toward each other, trying to see each other as much and as often as possible now that they’ve returned from their far-flung colleges. Sean, though, being an introvert, has reached a bit of a limit on all of the togetherness and did spend his day at home today, which was nice. Otherwise, I’ve barely seen him all weekend!
The current friend-zy has provided one of those teachable moments about priorities and time management — that if you say yes to someone else’s request for your time, then you’re saying no to your own need for time. Sometimes that’s very appropriate, but sometimes it’s not, and you have to know when enough is enough. He thanked me for “empowering” him, and that felt great.
Sean also thanked me for pointing out what I thought was probably obvious, but apparently wasn’t: that the reason he feels he had kind of a lackluster year (though he does love, love, love what he’s studying and was extremely focused on what he considers to be his priorities — studying, practicing, and exercising) was that he didn’t really do much else.
There are about a billion things to do on campus — groups to join, activities to attend — and there were even a ton of them in his own res hall, but he didn’t take advantage of nearly enough of them to become the well-rounded person he perhaps thought he’d be this year. I told him that it’s great that he’s confident about what his priorities are and is pursuing them, but he may need to branch out a bit more, too.
Even in giving this advice — which I didn’t follow at all myself when I was his age — I realize that I must say my piece and then step back. I need to keep an appropriate distance, on this and several other issues that are brewing at the moment. ARGH.
The current friend-zy has provided one of those teachable moments about priorities and time management — that if you say yes to someone else’s request for your time, then you’re saying no to your own need for time. Sometimes that’s very appropriate, but sometimes it’s not, and you have to know when enough is enough. He thanked me for “empowering” him, and that felt great.
Sean also thanked me for pointing out what I thought was probably obvious, but apparently wasn’t: that the reason he feels he had kind of a lackluster year (though he does love, love, love what he’s studying and was extremely focused on what he considers to be his priorities — studying, practicing, and exercising) was that he didn’t really do much else.
There are about a billion things to do on campus — groups to join, activities to attend — and there were even a ton of them in his own res hall, but he didn’t take advantage of nearly enough of them to become the well-rounded person he perhaps thought he’d be this year. I told him that it’s great that he’s confident about what his priorities are and is pursuing them, but he may need to branch out a bit more, too.
Even in giving this advice — which I didn’t follow at all myself when I was his age — I realize that I must say my piece and then step back. I need to keep an appropriate distance, on this and several other issues that are brewing at the moment. ARGH.
