Taking stock
4.5.09
Yesterday I was reading more of the “First-Year Experience” section of the calendar that I received through the UW Parent Program before the year began (be sure to get yours next year if you didn’t get one this year — contact them at www.parent.wisc.edu), and I wanted to pass along what the calendar says about the March/April/May period. I quote…
“Some students will have mixed feelings about leaving Madison for the summer, and others will decide to stay to take classes and/or pursue summer work opportunities. As the spring semester ends, you are likely to be amazed at the changes in your student and all that he or she has accomplished this year.
“Advice for parents and families: With a year under your student’s belt, this is a good time to check in about credit-card use. Talk about any changes that should be made for academic success. Encourage your student to take advantage of Choosing a Major Workshops offered by the Cross-College Advising Service. Be thinking about what your own plans are for the summer. If your student is returning home, discuss expectations regarding rules and responsibilities for the summer, as well as expectations for earning money and saving for the upcoming year.
“Conversation starters:
• What courses are you taking next year? Are you starting to narrow in on a possible major?
• What are you looking forward to about your living arrangements for next year?
• How do you think you have changed this year?
• What do you wish you had done differently in your first year of college?
• I am so proud of everything you have learned and accomplished this year!
“Coming home for the summer:
When your student comes home for the summer after freshman year at college, life will be different than it was before. Although that seems obvious, without giving it some prior thought, misunderstandings and conflicts can arise when your son or daughter seems to be following a different script than you are.
“Living away from home for a school year is a life-changing event, and your student will be comfortable with and used to independence, especially coming and going without checking in with anybody. That could be an area of conflict if you expect the courtesy of a phone call to let you know when your child will be home.
“On the other hand, you may be anticipating new-found maturity and independence, and be disappointed to find the kitchen sink filled with dirty dishes, laundry left for you to do, and the gas tank on empty when you need the car. It can be daunting to realize that even though your student is now technically an adult, your role as a mentor and coach is still in play. In the process of launching him or her as an independent adult, you will need to continue reinventing just what that role is.
“You also may think you know your student’s interests and identity, but you could find that he or she has made some major changes without discussing those changes with you. The young woman who was set on being a veterinarian may now want to study history, and she may also refuse to participate in the family religion. The young man who was adamantly opposed to an earring may come home with a tattoo or a nose ring. There will no doubt be some emotional and rocky times during the summer, but your lives will be enriched if mutual respect and listening are the guides you and your student establish for staying connected with each other.”
You know, it just doesn’t seem fair: we’ve (practically) made it through this first year, and even now, the path is not — and will not — always be clear. This parenting gig doesn’t necessarily get easier, just different.
“Some students will have mixed feelings about leaving Madison for the summer, and others will decide to stay to take classes and/or pursue summer work opportunities. As the spring semester ends, you are likely to be amazed at the changes in your student and all that he or she has accomplished this year.
“Advice for parents and families: With a year under your student’s belt, this is a good time to check in about credit-card use. Talk about any changes that should be made for academic success. Encourage your student to take advantage of Choosing a Major Workshops offered by the Cross-College Advising Service. Be thinking about what your own plans are for the summer. If your student is returning home, discuss expectations regarding rules and responsibilities for the summer, as well as expectations for earning money and saving for the upcoming year.
“Conversation starters:
• What courses are you taking next year? Are you starting to narrow in on a possible major?
• What are you looking forward to about your living arrangements for next year?
• How do you think you have changed this year?
• What do you wish you had done differently in your first year of college?
• I am so proud of everything you have learned and accomplished this year!
“Coming home for the summer:
When your student comes home for the summer after freshman year at college, life will be different than it was before. Although that seems obvious, without giving it some prior thought, misunderstandings and conflicts can arise when your son or daughter seems to be following a different script than you are.
“Living away from home for a school year is a life-changing event, and your student will be comfortable with and used to independence, especially coming and going without checking in with anybody. That could be an area of conflict if you expect the courtesy of a phone call to let you know when your child will be home.
“On the other hand, you may be anticipating new-found maturity and independence, and be disappointed to find the kitchen sink filled with dirty dishes, laundry left for you to do, and the gas tank on empty when you need the car. It can be daunting to realize that even though your student is now technically an adult, your role as a mentor and coach is still in play. In the process of launching him or her as an independent adult, you will need to continue reinventing just what that role is.
“You also may think you know your student’s interests and identity, but you could find that he or she has made some major changes without discussing those changes with you. The young woman who was set on being a veterinarian may now want to study history, and she may also refuse to participate in the family religion. The young man who was adamantly opposed to an earring may come home with a tattoo or a nose ring. There will no doubt be some emotional and rocky times during the summer, but your lives will be enriched if mutual respect and listening are the guides you and your student establish for staying connected with each other.”
You know, it just doesn’t seem fair: we’ve (practically) made it through this first year, and even now, the path is not — and will not — always be clear. This parenting gig doesn’t necessarily get easier, just different.
