Better late than not at all
3.2.09
Turn back the clock a few years and you would have found me chatting with a woman whom I’ve called Mom Mentor in this blog. She told me about a couple of books that would help me with the transition that I’m now experiencing. One was Letting Go, which I’ve mentioned on many occasions. It would have helped me all through Sean's senior year, but it took me so long to get started on reading it — denial can be a powerful thing — that he was well into choosing which school to attend before I began.
Now we’re all way into the first-year college process, and I’ve started the second book that Mom Mentor had recommended: You’re On Your Own (But I’m Here If You Need Me): Mentoring Your Child During The College Years, by Marjorie Savage, who gleaned her wisdom from her work at the University of Minnesota.
I thought briefly about skipping the whole beginning of the book — all the parts about the summer before the college year, and move-in day… but then I realized two things: I’ll be doing this all over again with Claire in two years, and I might like to pat myself on the back just a little as I read about things that we’ve already navigated.
And so I began. I had gotten only as far as page 3 in this book — whose compassionate tone and realistic stance I really like — before I had to laugh. It said, “Illustrated by anecdotes and advice from experienced parents and college staff, the book describes such real-life college and family issues as…” and then it listed several honestly real-life college and family issues, including the one that made me laugh: “Why you shouldn’t decorate your child’s dorm room.”
HA! Just look back in my blog entries to one called “Don’t let the door hit you on the way out: It gave new meaning to the term ‘tension rod’ ” from August 27, and you’ll see where I committed that sin right off the bat. It’s funny now, but it sure as heck was painful at the time.
Then I had a big whiff of nostalgia on page 13 when the book talked about the “Last Time” Syndrome. “As you sit at the picnic table in the backyard in mid-July, a wave of nostalgia washes over you,” Savage writes. “ ‘She’ll be leaving soon! This could be the last picnic we have together,’ you think. A similar nostalgic feeling overcomes you on the way to church, at the mall, watching TV, or curling up with a book on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
"Some parents parents try so hard to savor each moment that they end up in a constant state of depression. Others react with frustration at every complaint and miss the good times. This last summer before college is a series of emotional peaks and valleys. Your feelings might be different for your first child, a middle child, or the youngest, but no matter what, there will be trying times.”
Sound familiar? It did to me — and I’m just glad that I’m past that. Until the next child leaves, that is.
Now we’re all way into the first-year college process, and I’ve started the second book that Mom Mentor had recommended: You’re On Your Own (But I’m Here If You Need Me): Mentoring Your Child During The College Years, by Marjorie Savage, who gleaned her wisdom from her work at the University of Minnesota.
I thought briefly about skipping the whole beginning of the book — all the parts about the summer before the college year, and move-in day… but then I realized two things: I’ll be doing this all over again with Claire in two years, and I might like to pat myself on the back just a little as I read about things that we’ve already navigated.
And so I began. I had gotten only as far as page 3 in this book — whose compassionate tone and realistic stance I really like — before I had to laugh. It said, “Illustrated by anecdotes and advice from experienced parents and college staff, the book describes such real-life college and family issues as…” and then it listed several honestly real-life college and family issues, including the one that made me laugh: “Why you shouldn’t decorate your child’s dorm room.”
HA! Just look back in my blog entries to one called “Don’t let the door hit you on the way out: It gave new meaning to the term ‘tension rod’ ” from August 27, and you’ll see where I committed that sin right off the bat. It’s funny now, but it sure as heck was painful at the time.
Then I had a big whiff of nostalgia on page 13 when the book talked about the “Last Time” Syndrome. “As you sit at the picnic table in the backyard in mid-July, a wave of nostalgia washes over you,” Savage writes. “ ‘She’ll be leaving soon! This could be the last picnic we have together,’ you think. A similar nostalgic feeling overcomes you on the way to church, at the mall, watching TV, or curling up with a book on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
"Some parents parents try so hard to savor each moment that they end up in a constant state of depression. Others react with frustration at every complaint and miss the good times. This last summer before college is a series of emotional peaks and valleys. Your feelings might be different for your first child, a middle child, or the youngest, but no matter what, there will be trying times.”
Sound familiar? It did to me — and I’m just glad that I’m past that. Until the next child leaves, that is.
