Talking Jobs with Dr. Terri Orbuch '81, MA '83, PhD '88
As a radio personality and author who has training as a marriage and family therapist, UW-Madison alum Dr. Terri Orbuch knows a thing or two about turning what interests you into a career. Orbuch has spent many years spreading the knowledge she has gained both during her time at UW-Madison and her following experiences in the job market. To showcase her impressive career, Orbuch agreed to an interview in which she details her career path and how she got to where she is today.
In and around the greater metropolitan area of Detroit, I have a private practice, teach university students, and direct a landmark government-funded, long-term research study of marriage. But outside of my counseling office and the ivory towers of the two Michigan universities where I work—Oakland University and University of Michigan—
I am known as “The Love Doctor®.”
But that wasn’t something I set out to do. Initially, my dream was to be a clinical psychologist. In my senior year of college at UW-Madison, I even applied and was accepted to two clinical psychology programs. But then, in April of that senior year, I happened to talk to a sociology professor who inspired me to rethink my dreams and goals. It wasn’t planned at all, I just happened to sit down with the professor.
After several meetings with the sociology professor, who said I sounded like a social psychologist in sociology (I had no idea what that meant at that time), I decided to stay in Madison and get my MA and Ph.D. in social psychology in Sociology. During graduate school at UW, I enjoyed teaching undergraduate students, doing research, and interning as a counselor at the University of Wisconsin-Madison Counseling Center. I recognized early on that teaching and counseling would always be a part of my future career.
Can you describe your job as "The Love Doctor" and how you got into it?
After receiving my Ph.D. in 1988, I accepted a postdoctoral fellowship in psychology at the University of Iowa. I spent two years there doing research on relationships, specifically how individuals cope and adjust to changes in their relationships, or to stressful events in their lives. While at the University of Iowa, I recognized I also really enjoyed examining relationships from a scientific perspective, particularly which factors keep people together and happy in their relationships, and which factors lead to unhappiness or break relationships apart.
After Iowa, I accepted a job at the University of Michigan, and then Oakland University. I became the research director of a long-term project on marriage and divorce, funded by the National Institutes of Health. The project has been following the same 373 couples - all who got married in 1986 - for the past 24 years now. I also got married and had two wonderful children.
Why does someone from the world of academia put herself out there in the national media as “The Love Doctor?” It’s because I had an epiphany a few years ago while pouring through fascinating data on marriage and reading the latest findings in relationship research. It was this: very few of the people who can really use great information about marriage and relationships ever get to see, learn about, and benefit from the findings of my research and that of other relationship scientists. That’s because most of the really good relationship research only gets published in academic journals and papers, which are not accessible to the general public without a subscription or university affiliation.
So I became a new kind of academician - a professor, researcher, and therapist - but one who brings science to real couples in the form of highly practical tips and easy-to-understand approaches. As “The Love Doctor,” I became a nationally recognized relationship adviser who is on television and radio, in print, and online. I make science accessible, understandable, and helpful to the general public. I have a reputation of being optimistic and nonjudgmental, and people say they love my concrete, helpful tips that they can apply right away to make their relationships healthier and more fulfilling. I listen to questions about love, dating, sex, marriage, and all kinds of relationships, and then offer advice that’s upbeat, easy to use, and based on science.
What did you learn along the way?
I learned that you can plan all you want, but then something just happens in your life that changes your path, and it turns out to be the best thing! There have been several of those important junctures in my life since college. Times where I followed my heart and gut, rather than what others felt was the only path for me.
What was the most useful thing you learned at Madison that helped you get a job after graduation?
I learned that I need to love what I do and do what I love. You are at work many hours each day of your life. My advice to students is to follow your passion or what makes you happy when you look for your first job or you’re trying to break into a new field. When you are doing what you love, your outlook on life and relationships changes. This positive approach gives you the motivation to move forward, but it also rubs off on others and they look at you (and evaluate you) in a more positive way. In addition, I think it is important to remember that there will always be challenges or obstacles along the way - a job you wanted but didn’t get, being laid off, a change in plans - try to see these obstacles not as barriers or setbacks, but as lessons to learn from. Ask yourself, how can I grow or learn from this experience to get me where I want to go? I have had several of these challenges during my career. At each challenge, I could have let it define me, or I could decide to define it myself. When you do the latter, you continue to grow in your career and in life.
How did UW-Madison prepare you for your career?
UW taught me that balance was critical to my life and career. Given the natural beauty of the city of Madison, the supportive and close community, and the good friendships I developed while I was there, I learned that no matter what I do or where I am — to appreciate and take time for my relationships.
What is your fondest memory of being a student at Madison?
My fondest memories are sitting outside the Memorial Union, watching the lake, listening to music, laughing and hanging with friends, eating popcorn and drinking a beer.
You spent 25 years researching material for your new book "5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great."
The book brings together the latest scientific findings on how to have a fulfilling and great relationship from my long-term study, which has been following the same 373 couples for over 24 years. I got interested in writing the book after listening to the same questions and concerns again and again from my research couples, therapy patients, radio and TV audiences, workshop participants, and graduate students. Common themes I would hear include what to do when the passion wanes, how to deal with marriage “blahs,” when to worry about domestic bickering, and how to cope with growing apart.
What was the hardest part about writing? What was your favorite part?
The hardest part about writing the book was being patient and waiting for the book to be published. I wrote the book in seven months, but the book wasn’t published for another year. I was so ready for people to read the book as soon as I was done writing it. My favorite part was finding real quotes from the couples in my study to illustrate the findings and tips in the book. You will read the stories of remarkable couples from my marriage study in the book. I also enjoyed developing quizzes, exercises, self-assessments and question guides for the book, to make the strategies and advice come alive in the book.
What do you look for when hiring a new employee?
When I interview a person for a job, there are several things that make a good first impression: a) the person has confident body language – sit and stand straight, look at me while talking, firm hand shake, positive facial expression; b) the person has a well-developed cover letter (no typographical errors); c) the person asks questions about the job, myself, or the organization (so I don’t do all the question asking); and d) they write a thank-you for being interviewed for the position.
What is the biggest mistake you can make in an interview?
Not asking a question about something pertaining to the position, the city, the expectations for the position, or my role in the organization. I firmly believe if you are truly interested in a position, you must have at least one question to ask the person who is interviewing you. You can even make up a hypothetical question. If all else fails, ask—
“Why do you like working at this organization?”
As one last helpful tip, Dr. Orbuch suggests surrounding yourself with a strong support group. "I have been married for 18 years to a very supportive and loving husband. I have two wonderful children – my daughter is 16 years old and my son is 13 years old. And I live outside of Detroit Michigan, surrounded by caring and helpful friends and family." - Dr. Terri Orbuch
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